Confidence Struggles

This year has been a funny one in terms of confidence. I feel like the shelf life of me liking work that I've made rarely lasts more than a week. I struggle with imposter syndrome a lot and the fear of not being good enough and this leads to unhealthy work habits of anxiety/worry filled procrastination teamed with intense all nighters. It's frustrating because I love illustration and I know this is what I really want to do but sometimes my brain gets in the way and I'm stuck in a cycle of a lack of confidence.

These kind of feelings have come in ebbs and flows this year, I struggled massively in the first term, partly due to stresses and a big scary commission that I don't think I was ready for, I had a pretty horrible January too for various personal reasons, but things have gotten much better recently. I'm really enjoying my FMP and I'm excited to see where this project goes, its been really fun learning new processes and taking time to indulge in making work for me, I'm also adopting healthier working habits like normal bedtimes and scheduled days off. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do what I love and make money from it but this is also the root of the problem I think, my work is so intrinsically linked to me as a person that when its not going right, it skews everything if that makes sense??

Basically this big personal brain vomit dribble is trying to say that I need to have more confidence. I'm sure this will come and I need to step back sometimes and realise that I love making art and I don't need to be so hard on myself, I can still be successful without being mean to myself.

Things have gotten better throughout this year and so I'm sure they'll continue to do so, and I know that these kind of imposter syndrome feelings are inevitable and never go away but I guess thats just proof that I care?